Monday, May 23, 2005
The Perfect Covering Letter
I've been recently looking for a job, so I ask a friend for some help. He gave me this "covering letter" as a good example:
Dear Sir/Madam,
I have an excellent record completing tough jobs. When I was publicist for a plastic surgery clinic I doubled the number of operations we did with catchy slogans such as "penis enlargements - 40% off this week" and "breast enhancement - 3 breasts for the price of 2." When I was a sales assistant for Dixons, I dealt with a series of difficulties in a cool headed manner. For example when I dropped a TV on the floor once, I quickly put it back on the shelf and blamed the cleaner.
But my real interests have always lied with bacteriaology, which overlaps with alot of the subject of my biology PhD. I need a job that is both challenging and requires hard sweat. That why I've always wanted to become a toilet cleaner.
I eagerly await your reply,
Mr Jo King.
Dear Sir/Madam,
I have an excellent record completing tough jobs. When I was publicist for a plastic surgery clinic I doubled the number of operations we did with catchy slogans such as "penis enlargements - 40% off this week" and "breast enhancement - 3 breasts for the price of 2." When I was a sales assistant for Dixons, I dealt with a series of difficulties in a cool headed manner. For example when I dropped a TV on the floor once, I quickly put it back on the shelf and blamed the cleaner.
But my real interests have always lied with bacteriaology, which overlaps with alot of the subject of my biology PhD. I need a job that is both challenging and requires hard sweat. That why I've always wanted to become a toilet cleaner.
I eagerly await your reply,
Mr Jo King.
Thursday, April 21, 2005
More ridiculous sports to be added to Olympic list
Celebrate, London has won the right to host the Olympics, the greatest sporting event in the world. In the meantime the IOC are once again considering adding more sports to ever increasing number of olympic sports. This time they are even considering adding roller sports. If they carry on at this rate by 2020 "Put the Tail on the Donkey" is going to be an Olympic sport.
So much for Olympics being the "greatest" sporting event in the world, it actually consists of the world's most pointless sports that have to be grouped together in one event otherwise no one would care less about them.
I think that they should try spice it up by combining some of the best bits of other sports into one. Just imagine Synchronized Swimming Football; its just like normal football except some small swimming pools are randomly placed round the pitch. The footballer can dribble the ball upto the pool, do a little synchronized swim before dribbling it on to goal. The winning team is the one with the greatest number of goals times the skill in the swimming score.
Even better they could spruce up Hockey by combining it with Archery. It's just like normal hockey but the players have dodge an onslaught of arrows from the other team elected archers.
Future olympic champions annoying people trying to relax in the park
So much for Olympics being the "greatest" sporting event in the world, it actually consists of the world's most pointless sports that have to be grouped together in one event otherwise no one would care less about them.
I think that they should try spice it up by combining some of the best bits of other sports into one. Just imagine Synchronized Swimming Football; its just like normal football except some small swimming pools are randomly placed round the pitch. The footballer can dribble the ball upto the pool, do a little synchronized swim before dribbling it on to goal. The winning team is the one with the greatest number of goals times the skill in the swimming score.
Even better they could spruce up Hockey by combining it with Archery. It's just like normal hockey but the players have dodge an onslaught of arrows from the other team elected archers.
Future olympic champions annoying people trying to relax in the park
Saturday, April 16, 2005
On Honeymoon to Mummy's house (she's out for the week)
The hightlight of this weekend (after The Grand National and doing your front garden), was the Royal Wedding. Funnily enough a royal wedding might of deserved a royal honeymoon but not in the Royal Family. Charles has taken Camilla to Balmoral, that's his mum's holiday home. With even the poorest honeymooner making it to Thailand, the likes Prince Charles should have taken her to the moon, not his Mum's house four hours up the M1. When I get married to Billie Piper (OK I'll stop there).
Friday, March 04, 2005
Used Potty for Sell
Being someone who is watching TV alot, I could not help but notice the Ebay advert which features a woman who says she bought a POTTY, yes a potty on Ebay. I don't know how tight you have to be to buy or sell a used stinking potty online, I thought it was a joke. So I checked on the ebay.co.uk website.
YES, indeed there are people biding online for potties, there is even a selection of antique potties if your too snobby for the plain white one.
Apart from potties/pottys (I'm not sure how you spell it) you can also buy socks and condoms (not used though) online at Ebay.
Competition is hard, this one had seven bids, the seller is set to gain a whopping £3.60 if this one meets its predicted price.
YES, indeed there are people biding online for potties, there is even a selection of antique potties if your too snobby for the plain white one.
Apart from potties/pottys (I'm not sure how you spell it) you can also buy socks and condoms (not used though) online at Ebay.
Competition is hard, this one had seven bids, the seller is set to gain a whopping £3.60 if this one meets its predicted price.
